Are you a Swoftie (single woman over fifty) providing care and support to your mum or dad or both parents?
Do you have difficulty balancing the demands of aging parents with a job, your adult children and grandchildren?
If you are proving a significant amount of care and support to one or both of your parents you are not alone. Three in five people in the UK will become carers at some time in their lives.
Our generation is sometimes referred to as the 'sandwich generation' because we can feel like the filling in the middle between our parents on one side and our adult children and grandchildren on the other. As single women we also lack a partner to share the fears, frustrations and celebrations of caring for our parents on a day to day basis. However there is lots of help out there and your first port of call should be the Social Services Department at your County or Borough Council. You will find the number on-line or in the phone book.
Social Services and NHS Trusts are given grants from Central Government to provide services for Carers but I'm afraid it is very much a postcode lottery and the priority given to carers varies enormously across the country.
If you are the main carer for your parents you will be entitled to a carers assessment which has to take into account the impact caring is having on your life. A carers assessment means Social Services will look at your situation and see if you are entitled to any services that could make caring easier for you.
Whether or not you want to involve Social Services they are the first place to go to for information about caring for your parents. There are also organisations to help carers, including charities and local groups, e.g.Crossroads and Alzheimer's Society.
There is lots of help out there so don't be afraid to ask for it. Here are some of the things you may find helpful when caring for elderly parents
Breaks from caring. It is important that you make time for YOU and having some time off from caring can help your own well-being which is good for both you and your parent/s. There are different ways you can get a break e.g someone coming to your parents home to look after them for a few days or arranging a residential break for them. Ask your Social Services department what options are available in your area.
Emotional support. Caring can be very stressful and the saying 'a trouble shared is a trouble halved' is very true. Other carers can be a great source of support and there are likely to be carers support groups in your area. Some groups also have online forums, so you can stay in touch with other carers without leaving the house.
Practical support. Help around the home and garden or with shopping can help your parent/s and reduce demands on your time.You will also be able to focus the time you do have available for your parent/s on getting them out of the house, having a meal with them and spending more time listening to stories about their life. Believe me this will greatly improve their well-being as well as your own!
Equipment/Gadgets. It's amazing how the simplest of gadgets can make life easier for older people.There are lots available so have a good look on the internet, visit a Care Centre or ask to speak to an Occupational Therapist at your local Social Services Department to ask advice.There is also a new website offering a wide range of products to help people with a range of conditions from having a propensity for falling to a hearing or sight problem. For details of what is available visit www.homecare-products.co.uk or telephone 0843 224 1200
Finance. If you are caring for one or both of your parents, there is a range of financial benefits you or they might be entitled to. www.direct.gov.uk has an on-line benefits advisor so check it out.
Looking after aged parents can present many challenges but you know with planning and support it can also be a satisfying experience so make the most of the opportunities it brings!
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